The List

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The things I am working on this year:

-Discover the perfect rich chocolate cake recipe. An over-the-top, lots of fudge frosting/mousse filled layers, makes you want to moan it is so good cake that T always craves.

-Simplify. Eliminate needless spending. Put together a budget and follow it.

-Be in bed with lights out by 10. Try to be in bed by 9:30 and spend the next half-hour winding down and reading.

-No computer past 9 pm, it throws off my sleep. Limit computer time all around.

-Create a healthier lifestyle. Eat better, sleep better, spend more time outside, be more active, think happier thoughts, spend more time on positive and quality things...

-Health is a privilege. Do what is needed to merit it.

-Plan out menus for the week. Waste less food and eat healthier through planning.

-Do all cleaning, laundry, etc. on the same day each week. Put laundry away the same day it is washed.

-Start exercising in the morning. This will entail setting my alarm (sigh), but if I don't do it in the morning, it usually doesn't happen.

-Clean out my closet. Toss the things I shouldn't be wearing. Replace with a few items I should be wearing if needed. (Translation: You know the outfits you swore you would never wear? Lazy slobby things like huge sweats and ugly t-shirts? Un-flattering pants and tops you previously would have been humiliated to wear in private, but now wear to take your kids to school? It is a slippery slope and I am afraid that I have begun to slide. Even if I have days when all I do is play at home with the kids there is no reason I can't wear something that is practical and put-together. It isn't heels or nothing.)

-Do things immediately. I have always had a tendency toward procrastination, and recently realized that if I take care of thoughts or things that need to be done immediately, I am motivated to do what needs to be done, freeing me to move on to whatever comes up next. If I push things to the side, oh boy, the delay in completing them rapidly spins out of control until it is just too overwhelming for me to even think about, so I put them off some more or forget about them entirely. I can make my life much easier if I just take care of ideas and things as they come up - it is quick and painless.

-Be on time. If I have a few extra minutes before I need to do something or go somewhere I immediately think that that means I have a few extra minutes to squeeze something in. I forget that there is always something that will delay things a bit or take more time than planned. Usually thinking that I will be somewhere early means that I will arrive on time and be much more pleasant and not stressed.

- This is the year that my "little project" either happens or I am moving on. (For those that know about it, it is still a (very prolonged) go. I'm in the process of switching factories....)

-Relax and enjoy life. It flies by so quickly and there is so much that is worth soaking in.

Life is funny.

It changes. Things that mattered so much can lose their meaning, and things that were never paid attention, or even avoided, slowly become what is important.

I guess this is less about life being funny and more about me being funny, or more appropriately put, me evolving into what I like to think is a better, more experienced, and more aware version of myself.

I can't wait to see what changes are on the horizon.

Now the internet works, but nothing else does. Sigh.

I carefully measured and placed cork tiles on my wall precisely 1/4 in. apart only to have the adhesive provided not be adequate and every single tile fell off in the night. Now I am going to have to carefully replace them while hammering.

I just felt like having a 30-second pity party over stupid things before I got back to the reality of the life that I truly love and enjoy.

Puppy Bouquets

My Grandma took me to see my new baby sister in the hospital (I was 2 1/2), but didn't want us to show up empty-handed. She took me to a floral shop and let me pick out anything I wanted, and what my 2-year old mind wanted to bring my Mom and new sibling was a flower bouquet in the shape of a poodle. I still remember this and while I don't think we have any photos of the actual bouquet, I can visual a few scenes from this day in my mind. I have to wonder if it is my very first retained memory since I can't think of anything else from that far back. When that same Grandma forwarded me an email full of puppy bouquets I knew I wanted to write down the memory to preserve it.

I am burnt out. I can't take having sick kids anymore. I hate saying that because I realize our situation is not that bad, but I am just done. I was threatening to lock myself in the guest room and go back to bed as both kids sobbed at me this morning. I was needing to get out and go to church today, but Trev has to teach, so he is gone and I am stuck in the dungeon.

This picture kinds of shows how I feel. I am hopeful that the sun will peak out from behind the clouds and things will get better. In reality, when I took this picture it was the most sun shown all afternoon. Bummer.

On the bright side, I ran errands yesterday (!) and stopped by Macy's and picked up the cake stand I've had my eye on. It is lovely, and if I keep liking it I will go back and get it in the other sizes.

Things I'm looking forward to in 2008

I was tagged and decided to adjust it a bit to make it fit.

So, here are a few things I am looking forward to in 2008:

*Not being sick. I feel like at least one family member has been sick since Christmas and I am burned out. I've just started feeling better, and then M gets a high fever last night and wakes up repeatedly. He is pretty miserable and now my throat hurts again.

*Hanging out in the backyard with the kids.
*A vacation. Is the remote possibility that one could involve just me & Trev in our future? Somewhere warm? Maybe in 2009?
*Socks
*Starting a yoga class.
*Writing down thoughts here. I like this place. I like randomly saving all sorts of favorite finds, sticking them in a folder and then organizing a few here when I have a minute. No more forgetting that cool thing I saw back in '07 somewhere.
*Having my memory return so that I can remember things I want to look forward to.

Things we hope we are hoping happen with the house in 2008:

*Tear out the front yard. Entirely. Give it some curb appeal.
*Replace all the windows. Wood + humidity = rot. We don't want to deal with this.
*Find light fixtures for the dining room and family room, maybe the entry.
*Paint.
*Gut the master bathroom.
*Deal with main bathroom and pink sink.

Letting Go

This is what I am feeling a need for: letting go. By letting go I mean letting go of any preconceptions I may have of what life or a day will hold. Just let go and go with the flow, just go with the feelings of the moment. Just let things unravel as they unravel and see where things lead. Then follow that lead. Don't hold back.

Today we finger painted. We have never done it before, I just didn't want to deal with it. It felt good. It sort of set the mood for the day. Later that day I was reading Aesop's Fables with M and we came across the story of the bird that drops the pebbles in the narrow-necked container to raise the water to drink. I let go. I asked him if he wanted to try what the bird did. He was happy to be asked. We experimented and had the most fantastic time. It was so entertaining to see how interesting and exciting this was for my baby. To see a problem and discover a solution. To know that he can make things happen if he puts his mind to it. To know that he can take anything and make it his reality.

So, I'd like to continue letting go and see what happens. To see the possibilities. To make them my reality.

( I realize I am putting this online for almost anyone to read, but it feels kind of weird to be sharing all my personal thoughts. I know it is not the first time, but somehow this feels different. Maybe this is me letting go and following through. Maybe someone other than me needs these thoughts . . . Or maybe my head is still too sick and foggy to be writing.)

Some thoughts for me

Putting these thoughts out into the universe makes them a little more concrete and makes me feel more responsible

Things I've learned in the last year or so:

-I really, really love my little family. Even when I want to ring their necks

-I need sleep to be able to function and to have a remotely decent memory

-How to make our marriage really click. I'm not sure how, but something about the seventh year was really good for us. Not that it was at all bad before. Whatever it is I'd like to keep it up though!

-I am at a point in my life that if I want to improve an area of my life, I really have to focus and put effort into it. I'm still learning how to do this.

-Quite frequently it is better just to keep your mouth shut

-Do not mess with my kids or their heads.

-I need to be more organized. I even bought my first planner.

-Boys are very different from girls. Men are very different from women. This is life.

-I need to put more emphasis on spirituality in my life and share that with my kids

-Karma is very real

Some things I'd like to work on for the next year or so:

-Manage my time better
Make a schedule and stick with it
Stop putting off the inevitable. A lifetime of procrastination is not a good thing.
Try and get the not-so-fun stuff done by 11am (laundry, cleaning, etc.) so that I am free to enjoy the rest of the day and use the night to get me stuff done. (This is new as of today . . .)

-Be a better Mom:
Drop everything when one of my kids asks me to read to them (within reason!)
Get down on their level and just be with them. Play more.
Try to help them open their minds and expand their horizons by introducing them to new things
Follow their lead

-Cook more often and try to involve the kids - we all enjoy this!

-Continue to focus on local, natural, and organic.

-Finally get SOBS up and running. Make it a success.

-Work on my photography skills. Maybe even find my style.

-Get more sleep so I don't look like the walking dead
Be in bed between 9 and 9:30 each night and use this time to read. Lights out by ten.

-Read more. I love it and can't believe I've let it slip.

-Increase my level of spirituality. Truly make it apart of my daily life.

-Do a Family Home Evening every Monday night

-Actually use my reusable bags. I even keep them in the car and still forget. It is ridiculous.

-Make puff pastry from scratch

-Get outside more

-Take up Yoga. Find my center. All that good stuff.

-What I put out into the world is what I will get back. Once again, Karma.

-Expand my horizons. Continue learning more about the world around me.

I might add to this as I realize other needs, we'll see how this goes . . .